I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
