Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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