It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
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I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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