Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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