Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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