third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
