You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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