By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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