Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
