Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
