i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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