paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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