so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
