look no pants
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
