i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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