1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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