I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
