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• (214): View more from Texas

  The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.

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• (831): View more from California

  i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.

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