Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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