just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
