I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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