This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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