don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just pee around me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
