very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
