I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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