These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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