Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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