theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
