Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize