I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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