Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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