woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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