she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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