does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize