I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
