Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
