That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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