i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
