I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
