So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"