We need to start having sex underwater more often.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up