she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.