So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dick very happy bro