I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
