i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
