I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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