did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
