did you get engaged???
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
