I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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