For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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