The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
