All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize