I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
