So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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