I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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