I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
