I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
