I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
