How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
