wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
