My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
