I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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