i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
