At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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