I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
