I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
