I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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